Returning to KVMR News

George Rebane

[In response to KVMR’s listing of me as their 1apr11 news reporter, I recorded this little number for my regular commentary.  All of it survived to be aired except the last disclaimer.  The station’s news director felt strongly that the commentary was too realistic for a goodly portion of the listening audience, so I also recorded the more standard disclaimer that I normally use.  And that was substituted for the last paragraph.  Shucks.]

This is George Rebane continuing with KVMR’s evening news.  Washington - after being pilloried for reporting that the Muslim Brotherhood was a secular and peaceful organization with no Islamist intentions, the Director of National Intelligence James Clapper returned to the Senate to confirm his earlier testimony.  A new report released by the CIA finds unequivocally that the Brotherhood is in fact a secular educational organization that has “eschewed violence” and whose connection to Islam is in name only.  Concurrently a State Department spokesman added that this organization has successfully applied for, and will now receive federal grants to conduct educational programs in all major federal detention facilities.

Focusing on the campaign promises of candidate Obama, the Administration has put in practice extensive transparency programs for which it today received the prestigious ‘Let the Sun Shine In’ Commendation presented annually by the ACLU.  The unannounced award ceremony was held behind closed doors in the Executive Office Building with the President attending.  White House Press Secretary Jay Carney later stated that the administration has no intention of using such awards to publicly aggrandize its many achievements, and concluded with, “We firmly believe that transparency is where you find it.”

In Libya the rebel forces suffered setbacks in their assault on Gadhafy’s home town of Sierte, and are now in full retreat toward their new redoubt at El Alamein in western Egypt.  History buffs will recall that this is where British General Montgomery defeated Field Marshall Rommel, the Desert Fox of the Third Reich, and turned the tide of the north African campaign during WW2.  The rebels vow they will also defeat forces loyal to the Libyan dictator if and when they ever venture into Egypt.  At the same time the rebels issued appeals to NATO to send reinforcements.  Learning of El Alamein’s location, NATO commander Admiral James Stavridis stated that Marines from the offshore flotilla of the 3rd Marine Expeditionary Unit are prepared to land and offer all assistance necessary.  The commander added that these troops will be wearing military issue tennis shoes so as to comply with the strict Presidential order that the United States will put no boots on the ground in Libya.

Meanwhile, here the 2012 presidential campaign is heating up early.  Sarah Palin is reported to be looking for a willing vice-presidential running mate.  Her campaign headquarters, reminding all that Palin is a strict constitutionalist, went on to say that the only requirements for her running mate are those stated in Article 2 of the US Constitution.  A new website is being set up to accept applications on line.  The successful applicant will be notified by email and invited to a one-on-one informal coffee with Governor Palin, who stated that it is important for the running mates to get to know each other before the heavy campaigning starts.

The budget impasse and looming fiscal crisis may be on the verge of an imminent solution.  President Obama and Speaker Boehner were seen earlier today on the golf course at Andrews Air Force Base near Washington.  They were accompanied by two men who bore a striking resemblance to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.  It was not clear whether the latter made up a foursome, or were caddying for the President and the Speaker.  Staffs of both leaders were reluctant to give out many details, but the Associated Press later posted that a senior staffer, speaking on condition of anonymity, revealed that an agreement between Obama and Boehner is going forward on the basis of a deniable handshake.  The crux of the agreement calls for a bipartisan invasion of Saudi Arabia, and the subsequent nationalization of all its oil fields.  The Justice Department is prepared to work out any extra-territorial details that might come up.  This operation can be justified by that Arab country’s thirty year violation of OINC’s recently passed resolution against windfall profits.  OINC is the secretive Oil Importing Nations Cartel of which the United States is a founding member.

And finally, Fox News reports that, returning to the Oval Office this evening, President Obama gave an impromptu walking news conference to the handful of White House reporters accompanying him.  He commented that, as a member of the world’s minority population, achieving the Presidency had been his lifelong dream, and that if he could handle the most demanding job in the world, then that was proof that anyone could – to which there was broad agreement from the veteran reporters as they took leave of the President.

This has been a special edition of the KVMR evening news brought to you over the loud and ultimately futile objections of the station’s news director and management.  I am George Rebane, and I bid you a good evening.

Comments

[Russ Steele]

George,

We were a little tardy in tuning into KVMR and caught your commentary mid presentation. What? Was Ellen's response. On the other hand, I was cheering you on. Only after reading the complete script did I get the full impact. Well done!

[Jeff Peline]

This is really funny, sort of like the entertainment for retirees on a cruise ship!

[Barry Pruett]

Well done George! Gave me a good laugh this evening after my Cubbies losing the home opener. Lilly and I are getting used to that though.

[Michael Anderson]

Barry, I'm so sorry for your loss. And it looks like orange & black have a target on their back as well. I will look to the NCLL at Pioneer Park for comfort this weekend.

[Jeff Pelline]

Barry,
With that kind of District. 1 support, you ought to run for Nate Beason's seat! LOL.

[Dixon Cruickshank]

Good fun george, a differenet tack

peline go stick a baseball up your azz - thanks for perticipating - this is why the so called truce won't work. what was it 3 days

no holds barred let the fun begin - IMHO

[Michael Anderson]

LOL

[Todd Juvinall]

George, that is so funny! I like the transparency quips. Truth is stranger than fiction.

[Barry Pruett]

Michael: In 1998, we lived on Gold Flat, and I did just that. In the spring, I would walk down to the little league ball field, and while watching a game, wonder if those kids understood just how beautiful that Pioneer Park ballfield is. Its picturesque setting is nothing like the ballfields on the South Side of Chicago right next to the railroad tracks!

[Russ Steele]

I grew up in the white house behind Pioneer Park. One of my most favorite memories was the ball games played between Grass Valley, Nevada City, and other cities in the region. I think that Auburn and Colfax had a team also. Each had a team and on Sat there was a ball game in the park. We bought candy at vendor stand under the bleachers.

[Michael R. kesti]

Of course, Russ, today's players would all be required to wear 15 pounds of protective gear lest an injury might occur, no scores would be tallied to ensure everybody's greatest self esteem, and sales of candy to minors would be in violation of some federal anti-obesity law.